I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
