i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
