I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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