i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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