whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
