I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
