that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
