I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
