first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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