Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
