Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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