Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
accomplished twins. life is a go
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
