it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
