i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
