my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
