So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
