He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
