They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
