my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
