so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
