You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
