If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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