the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
