Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
