i permit you to call me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
