the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
