After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
