Jerry, you need to find god
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
