At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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