ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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