So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
