im about as happy as oj after his trial
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
