No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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