Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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