U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
