please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
4 words: hood of his car
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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