The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
