Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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