her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
