you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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