20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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