Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
