my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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