I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
