I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
