I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
