It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
