I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
