I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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