Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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