So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
