it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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