You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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