Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
