you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have aggressive nipples.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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