just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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