I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
